A very slow goodbye

* Highly recommended by internist Jeong Hee-won, an immediate Taiwanese bestseller *

One day, a world-renowned scholar couple came to visit.
A tragedy that cannot be prevented by intelligence and love

There's a couple. Zheng Chuwei, an internationally respected linguist whose lifelong research earned him international acclaim, and Fubo, a university mathematics professor who diligently supported his family. For over 40 years, since their impoverished days as students in the United States, this couple has shared joys and sorrows together. They share a crucial routine that has persisted for decades: starting each day with a cup of coffee Fubo brings them, and gathering together after work to share stories. But at some point, Fubo's words became sparse and he fell into silence. Dementia had taken hold of him. He brewed dozens of cups of his beloved coffee, leaving them scattered throughout the house, making countless phone calls each day, and often lost his sense of direction, unable to find his way home. The author, witnessing his beloved spouse's breakdown from up close, says, "How sad a husband who never understands me again is. How painful a family who has no answers is. People are still here, but my other half is gone..." (p. 8). He was alive, but his body was here, his mind already departing this world.
Korea has already entered a super-aging society, and Taiwan is no exception. When an elderly person in the family becomes a family member, the primary caregiver is no longer the responsibility of younger subordinates, as in the past. Instead, the spouse, who is aging alongside them, assumes the primary responsibility. "A Very Slow Goodbye" offers a unique perspective, unlike other books written by children or healthcare professionals, as it chronicles the caregiving experience of an elderly spouse with dementia. The author began caring for her husband at home at age 68, and despite her dedication and love, his condition rapidly worsened. The brilliant intellect and deep bond cultivated by a couple dedicated to research become helpless in the face of life's unfolding tragedy. Having personally experienced the difference between learning and living, the author resolves to confront this profound loss head-on.
This essay, which became an instant bestseller in Taiwan upon its publication, beautifully showcases the will to persevere in life even in the face of adversity, offering readers a quiet sense of comfort and encouragement. The book also features works by renowned Korean photographer GABWORKS, adding to the lingering impact of the story.

Facing the inevitable partings of life
Linguists give new meaning to loss
"That's what it means to care for a family member with dementia. When they say their long goodbyes, walking with them through the dark, long tunnel until the very end." (p. 114) Illness, death... We all experience the loss of loved ones. How, exactly, do we endure this loss? This book transcends the experience of dementia loss as a personal pain, but instead explores it in the language of universal fear and empathy. The author says she wrote about this inevitable loss, experienced with her whole body, with a heart-wrenching sadness and endless tears. Yet, she never gives up, persevering through it with love and determination. Even amidst the loss of language and memories, what never fades is her love for her family and the will to live. The author finally gives new meaning to the loss she experienced: "Even though he didn't react to us, we weren't sad. When he smiled at us, we smiled back. For us, mother and daughter, who love him, no response from him is necessary" (p. 161). The love and memories we've built together are meaningful in themselves and require no reciprocation. Through the vivid life experiences recorded in this book, readers will anticipate the "loss that will come to me someday" and contemplate how to accept it. And in the face of that loss, they will be able to ask themselves what they must protect.

Because life goes on even after a breakup
Life moving forward again from the end of pain
How does life after loss unfold? As her husband's illness worsens, the author hastily retires and becomes his 24-hour, all-weather caregiver. Meanwhile, her own body and mind also deteriorate. Going through this difficult process, she reconsiders her "life in old age." "I realized that, even before and during my care for Fubo, I had not prepared myself in the slightest for the life I now have, a husband but no companion." (p. 9) Caregiving and nursing can be a life-consuming pain, but they can also provide opportunities for a new perspective on oneself. This book shows the life we ​​must endure after the loss of a loved one, and raises the question of how we will live the rest of our lives. After a difficult farewell to her husband, who no longer recognizes her and her daughter, the author finds the strength to face the prospect of living alone. She forms a "cold support group" of acquaintances, creating a support network that can act on her behalf in times of crisis. She also seeks treatment, something she had previously neglected, and revisits various aspects of her life.
"I've let go of the burden of responsibility I've been carrying. I no longer need to be responsible for anyone. I stand in the twilight of my life. … From now on, I will return to myself without regrets and enjoy the rest of my life, which I've been filling up with so much that it's almost impossible to keep up." (p. 230)
This book captures the meaning and dignity of life that comes with suffering, the loss of a loved one's world, and the journey of rising alone from the pain. It will offer the courage to move forward again to those who have overcome the inevitable challenges of illness, death, and the resulting separation, and to those who find ways to persevere despite hardship.