* Strongly recommended by Dr. Jeong Hee-won, an internist, and a bestseller in Taiwan upon release *
One day, a couple of world-renowned scholars faces a tragedy that even intellect and love cannot prevent.
There is a couple: Jeong Chuwi, a linguist respected internationally for his lifelong research, and Pu Bo, a math professor who has diligently supported their family. For over 40 years, they have shared their lives, starting from their impoverished days as students in the U.S. They have a vital routine that has lasted for decades: every morning, they open their day with conversation over coffee that Pu Bo brews, and after work, they gather to share stories. However, at some point, Pu Bo begins to speak less and falls into silence. He has been struck by dementia. He brews dozens of cups of coffee and places them around the house, makes countless phone calls every day, and often loses his sense of direction, unable to find his way home. The author watches her beloved husband deteriorate and reflects, “How sad it is that my husband, who no longer understands me, has become this way. How painful it is to have a family that offers no response. He is still here, but my other half has vanished…” (p. 8) He is alive, but his body is here while his mind has already departed this world.
Korea has already entered an ultra-aged society, and Taiwan is no different. When an elderly patient is in the home, it is no longer the younger family members who provide care, but rather the spouse, who is aging alongside them, becomes the primary caregiver. "A Very Slow Farewell" offers a different perspective from other books written by children caring for dementia-stricken parents or healthcare professionals, as it documents the experience of an elderly spouse caring for their partner with dementia. The author began caring for her husband at the age of 68, pouring all her devotion and love into him, yet his condition rapidly deteriorates. The brilliant intellect and deep bond built over a lifetime of research become utterly powerless in the face of the tragedy that life brings. The author, who personally feels the difference between what is learned and what is lived, decides to confront this immense loss that has befallen her life.
This essay, which became a bestseller in Taiwan immediately upon publication, beautifully unfolds the will to not give up on life even in the midst of misfortune, offering readers quiet comfort and encouragement. It includes works by renowned domestic photographer GABWORKS, enhancing the lingering emotions of the story.
Facing the inevitable farewells of life,
A linguist attaches new meaning to loss
“Caring for a family member with dementia is like this. When he bids me a long farewell, it is about walking with him through the dark and long tunnel until the end.” (p. 114) Illness, death… we all experience farewells with our loved ones. How do we endure this loss? This book articulates the experience of loss due to dementia not just as personal pain, but as a universal language of fear and empathy. The author expresses that she wrote about this inevitable loss, which she experienced with her whole being, with heart-wrenching sorrow and tears that flowed endlessly. Yet, she never falters for a moment, enduring that time with love and determination. What does not disappear, even amidst the fading language and memories, is the love for family and the will to live life to the fullest. The author ultimately attaches new meaning to the loss she experienced: “Even when he looks at us with no reaction, I am not sad. When he smiles at us, we smile back. For us, his daughters who love him, we need no answers from him.” (p. 161) The love and memories built together hold meaning in themselves, requiring no reciprocation. Through the vivid life experiences recorded in this book, readers will confront the 'loss that will someday come to me' in advance and reflect on how to accept it. And in the face of that loss, they may ask themselves what they need to protect.
Life continues even after parting
Moving forward from the end of pain
How does life continue after loss? As her husband's condition worsens, the author hastily retires and becomes a 24-hour caregiver and all-weather protector. In the meantime, her own body and mind also become ill. Through this arduous process, she reconsiders 'life in old age.' “I realized that before caring for Pu Bo, and even during the caregiving process, my husband had not prepared at all for a life without a partner.” (p. 9) Caregiving and nursing can be both a painful drain on an individual's life and an opportunity to view oneself anew. This book illustrates the life that must continue even after losing a loved one, posing questions about how to live the remaining years. The author gathers the strength to face the time she must live alone after saying goodbye to her husband, who can no longer recognize her and their daughter. She forms a 'Support Group for Cold Weather' composed of acquaintances to ensure they can step in for her in emergencies and seeks treatment she had previously avoided, making adjustments throughout her life.
“I have laid down the responsibilities I had been carrying on my shoulders. No one else needs to take responsibility anymore. Now I stand at the twilight of my life. … From now on, I will return to myself without regrets and enjoy the remaining life that is barely enough to contain what I have suppressed.” (p. 230)
This book fully captures the meaning and dignity of life that comes with pain, the process of rising alone after the world of a beloved person has vanished, and the courage to find ways to live on despite hardships for those who will pass through the inevitable diseases, deaths, and separations of life.