Description Prologue - Afraid of Your Child's Changes During Adolescence? 5 Chapter 1. "Can't You Be a Little Sweeter to Me?" - Looking Into the Wounds in Parents' Hearts Parent's Heart 1 - Parents Who Can't Admit Their Own Wounds 15 Parent's Heart 2 - The Real Reason You Resent Your Child Is Yourself 34 Parent's Heart 3 - Just Waiting for Adolescence to Pass 45 Parent's Heart 4 - Parents Are More Anxious Than Their Teens 58 Parent's Heart 5 - When the Parenting Role Takes a Backseat to Grades 70 Parent's Heart 6 - Parents Decide Everything Else, But Studying Is Up to the Child? 82 Parent's Heart 7 - "We Weren't Like That When We Were Young" 92 Chapter 2. "Can't I Just Do Things My Way?" - Practicing Acceptance of Your Child's Changes Child's Heart 1 - Adolescence: A Sign It's Time to Respect Your Child 105 Child's Heart 2 - Rebellion Is Proof Your Child Is Growing 114 Child's Heart 3 - Kids Who Curse to Hide Their Anxiety 126 Child's Heart 4 - Parents Can't Solve Their Child's Friend Conflicts Directly 138 Child's Heart 5 - Why Do They Hate Home So Much? 150 Child's Heart 6 - Could Your Child Have Teen Depression? 162 Child's Heart 7 - Children Preparing for Suicide in the Prime of Their Youth 176 Child's Heart 8 - Perfectionism: A Life That Confines Itself 186 Appendix - Factors That Encourage a Teen's Deviant Behavior 200 Chapter 3. "Adolescence: A Time When Parents and Children Grow Together" - Building a New Kind of Relationship With Your Teen Solution 1 - Instead of Fighting Back Equally, Read Your Child's Mood 211 Solution 2 - Using Positive Comparisons to Build Self-Esteem 224 Solution 3 - What Kids Really Want to Hear 239 Solution 4 - Working Together With Teachers 251 Solution 5 - How to Talk With Your Child Without Fighting 264 Solution 6 - Don't Be Fooled by Appearances; Look at the Person Inside 272 Solution 7 - Traits of Teens Going Through a Healthy Adolescence 281 Inside the Book Being drawn to a child who is trying to become independent is not the child's problem but the parent's. The emptiness and loneliness I feel as a parent are not given to me by my child. It is simply that a problem I already had within myself became attached to my child, and when that object disappears, the problem resurfaces. To solve this, instead of holding onto the child, I need to find a way to manage myself. When a child shows rebellion during adolescence, it's also a chance for the parent to practice standing on their own again. - p.31, from "Parents Who Can't Admit Their Own Wounds" A parent who resents their child for no clear reason should first look inward. A child who resembles the parent can feel endearing, or a child who is different can feel fascinating. But when everything is interpreted in the opposite, negative way, it's because of the parent's own dissatisfaction, unhealthy thoughts, or unresolved emotions. In these cases, unbearable anger and explosive outbursts tend to repeat themselves. Afterward, the parent is left with intense self-blame, wondering, "Why did I get so angry again?" This leaves both mind and body exhausted, as conflicts with a teenage child drag on without ever really being resolved. - p.43, from "The Real Reason You Resent Your Child Is Yourself" Because of rigid ideas like "you have to concentrate well" or "studying should be fun," I kept dismissing my child's true feelings. Perhaps, deep down, I wanted studying to be enjoyable because I hoped it would be less hard on my child—and because it would make me feel less guilty for making them study in the first place. But whenever I heard them complain about how hard it was, I'd feel hurt, and at the same time feel as if their unhappiness were somehow my fault, which only made me more upset. In truth, though, children are just trying to put their struggles into words so their parents will understand how hard it is for them. - p.84, from "Parents Decide Everything Else, But Studying Is Up to the Child?" Adolescence is a time of shifting emotions and a search for identity, during which teens often experience deep feelings of inferiority. Terrified that others might notice this insecurity, they act out aggressively instead—showing irritation and anger, sometimes even using coarse language—so that no one can see the fear and anxiety hidden underneath.