Description: When a mother is truly doing her job well, she comes to represent to her child the many difficult demands of the world, and she also gradually introduces the reality that impulses are often met with resistance. While it is absolutely certain that love and adoration exist toward a mother, it is just as true that somewhere there exists anger and hatred toward her as well. (p. 27) Not feeling love toward one's baby is one thing, but it is far from rare for a mother to actually feel hatred toward her baby. I am talking about an ordinary mother who believes she must care for her baby well—and who is, in fact, doing a fine job of it. I know many mothers who live in fear, worried that they might somehow harm their baby. (p. 31) There is much hidden deep within human nature. Rather than growing up as the child of a mother who found everything easy and never doubted anything, I would rather be the child of a mother who carries within her all the inner conflicts of human existence. (p. 31) What if we said that grasping something round, sucking on a finger or the hem of clothing, and clutching a cloth doll were all a baby's earliest acts of affection? Could there be anything more important than this? (p. 42) The immature self of a very young child expresses itself through odd habits, such as sucking on clothing. For the child, such behavior feels like reality. Through this, mother and baby gain the chance to form a human relationship that is not governed purely by animal instinct. (p. 45) Mother and father gradually introduce the child to reality, and reality to the child. One way of doing this is through prohibition. You'll be glad to hear that saying "no" is just one of two methods. Prohibition is one of two approaches—and the foundation of saying "no" is "yes." (p. 72) Children don't always want to play only with soft things. They love stones, sticks, and hard wooden floors too. Children enjoy being told to go away just as much as they enjoy being held. (p. 75) I want to say, without hesitation, that jealousy is a normal and healthy emotion. Jealousy arises because a child loves. If a child were incapable of love, they wouldn't feel jealousy either. Later, we need to look at the unhealthy side of jealousy—especially the hidden kind. (p. 79) People who are prone to jealousy usually had, at some point in childhood, good reason to feel jealous. Unfortunately, they never had a clear opportunity—at a time when they could have felt and managed that jealousy—to fully express anger, jealousy, and aggression. Had they had that opportunity, like most children, they could have passed through their jealous phase and come out the other side. (p. 112) It's easy to idealize motherhood. But we all know that every job comes with its own frustrations and its own tediously repeated routines, and there are moments when you feel you simply cannot go on. There's no reason similar feelings couldn't arise while caring for children too. (p. 120) Suppressed anger damages the very love that lies behind it. I think this is part of why we lash out in frustration. Once we gather our anger into words and express it at the right moment, we can pick up what we were doing and carry on anew. In my clinical work, I have found that mothers are comforted when they are able to reach their own bitter anger. (p. 131) Having talked with countless mothers and watched children grow, I have come to truly believe that the ones who become the best mothers are those who are able to surrender at the very start. They lose everything. But with time, they recover. (p. 135) After the initial period of protection has passed, the mother gradually begins to show the world to her child, and the child seizes new opportunities for free expression and impulsive behavior. This ongoing struggle between safety and resistance to control continues throughout childhood. Yet control is always necessary. Parents always keep ready a framework of discipline—like stone walls and iron bars—but this only works when they truly know what kind of child their child is, and...